My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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