remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
