woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
