Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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