I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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