The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
