Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
