You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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