also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
