I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
