"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
