Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
