It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
