and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
