we're blogging at a bar
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
