I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
