How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
