She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
