Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
