Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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