i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
