A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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