THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
