I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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