Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
