I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
