PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Damn victory sex feels great
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
