When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
