This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
