can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
