cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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