Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
