Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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