Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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