I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
