Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
