I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
