just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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