Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
