So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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