i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
