I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I am morally bankrupt
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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