woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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