If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
