clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
