I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
