My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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