I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
