Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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