Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
