in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
