He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
