omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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