HIV tests are more positive than that guy
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
