There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize