wake up i wanna do it froggy style
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
