After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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