Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
