We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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