I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
