i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
