If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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