Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He passed out mid-signature
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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