You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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