it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
