do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
