I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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