She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
