zippers are such a cool invention
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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