where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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