Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We had sex on a dog bed..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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